Page 50 - 1947

48 C. C. I. GLEANER
HUMOUR.••••• R. Fawcett, XIII
Miss Macllvenna: "I want a little at- tention."
Voice from the Rear: "You're getting as little as possible."
Breathes there a man with soul so dead, who never hath turned his head and said: "Hmmm, not bad!"
No woman really makes a fool out of a man. She merely gives him an opportunity to develop his natural ca- pacities.
Woman (in a crowded ear. to her frienrl): "I wish that good-looking man would give me his seat." Five men got up!
Patient: "Doctor, are you sure this is pneu.,onia? Sometimes droctors nre- S('ribe for pneumonia and the patient diPs of something else."
M.D. (with dignity): "When I pre- scribe for pneumonia you die of pneu- monia."
"Do you remember, Dad, tnat story vou told me about your being expelled from College?''
"Yes, son."
"Well, I'm telling it to you now."
A spinster was a sked which she would rather have in a man; appear- a,'ce or wealth.
"AppParance," was the reply, "and !he sooner, the better."
A sha~bbily d r e s s e d m a n w a s s t a n d - ing in front of a block of fiats and from her window above, an old lady noticed tlhat several people stopped and gave him money. The scene touch- ed her deeply. She wrote on a piece of paper, "Take courage", put it in an envelope with a $2 bill, and tossed it to the man.
That even'ng the man came up to her and whispered, "Here's your $40. lady. Take Courage won at 20 to 1."
Mr. MacRae (to the boys taking a spare in Physics): ",Boys, are you pas- sing notes back there?"
Rear of the Room: "These aren't notes, they're dollar bills ( ? ) ; we're shooting craps."
A lecture is a process by which the notes of a teacher pass to the note- books of the students without passing through the heads of either.
I have searched through all the year books,
From the time of nineteen-nine, But all the jokes seem corny,
To this feeble brain of mine, And if I hear one giggle,
One small sweet laugh of glee,
I can then die happy,
F or that's quite enough for me.
Courtship consists of a man running after a girl until she C'ltches him.
A woman driver stopped for a red light, and failed to move when it turned green. When the green light came on for the second time and she still show- ed no sign of moving, the traffic officer walked over to her and said politely, "What's the matter, lady, ain't we got no colors you like?"
"Mother is the necessity of inven- tion." said the Co-ed as she crawled in the window at 5 a.m.
Flora: "You know, George proposed to me last night."
Dora: "Doesn't he do it beautifully?"
Mr. Barr: "I believe vou missed my class yesterday, SomerVille."
John S.: "Not in the least, sir."
Mother: "Have a nice time, dear, and be a good girl."
Daughter: "Well, mother make up your mind!"
A man who had had a few too many was weaving his way homeward one evening. Approaching the house he missed the path and bumped into the only tree in the yard.
Going back to the sidewalk, he start- ed over again and bumped into the same tree. Patiently he retraced his steps and began again, only to end up facing the tree.
Removing his coat to use as a pil· low, he stretched out at the foot of the tree, murmuring, "Lorsht, lorsht, in an impenetrable foresht."