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"If you believe this, boy, are you gulllblel
C.C.l. NATIONAL
n~~OUIRER ~
Where You Read the Truth, the Whole Truth and Nothing But the Truth!*
Although we have known of its ex- istence, the medical world has finally provided it with a frtting term. This year, research has shown us that more than 2/3's of Collingwood Collegiate con- tacted this dreaded ailment and it must be noted that there is nothing that can be done to alleviate the symptoms. Yes, the Undergraduates of Coll- ingwood Collegiate are suffering from a unique malady known as 'JUNIORITIS".
It is first contacted when the student enters grade 9 and this state will last until that person moves into their fourth year of high school. The symptoms are many and varied. Initially, the first evidence indicates a lost look and the person appears to be very disoriented as he makes his way around the school. This lasts about two weeks. He will often have great difficulty learning to play an instrument in music class. He seems totally unsure of himself and in constant need to ask questions. "How do I check a book out of the libra~?" "Which gym are we in to- day? ', and "Which Mr. Moore are you talking about?" are some common ex- amples. When within the vacinity of members of the opposite sex, he could suffer from profound dropsy or feel the need to break into a severe case of the giggles or simply blush. Furthermore, he has an uncontrollable urge to con- tinually play Michael Jackson's 'Bad" album or watch "Silver Spoons" on the television.
Approximately one year after the in- itial attack, the symptoms disappear
and other side effects become more pronounced. He no longer has great difficulty playing a musical instrument and at this time, can be grouped with others having similar skills. He walks taller and seems more sure of himself. He may even attempt to skip class either on an individual basis or with another. A further progression of ''Junioritis" prevents this person from bringing his lunch to school in a bag. If it is bagged, it is disposed of in the nearest garbage pail and his required nutrients are purchased in the cafeteria.
ABOVE: Tara Monck has haa "Junioritis' for three years. Her symptoms would make 'your eyes cross'!
EVERYONE WONDERS - WHO WILL IT STRIKE NEXT?
TOP: Amanda Knox checks herself in the mir- ror for any new signs that may have developed! BELOW: Shane Leonard looks forward to the day when he will no longer have this ailment. LEFT: Dustin Sargant, a first year victim!